It has been quite some time since I’ve felt the need to write on my blog. Tonight I need to vent. I need to say how I really feel without filters or censorship that I would feel the need to use with friends and family. Tonight I need to just put it out there to someone how I really feel about my life.
I’m not alone.
I have friends and family.
Most days I am happy and fulfilled.
Yet there is always that lingering feeling of loneliness that is often there.
While I love my friends and family, they make me feel like a third wheel. Most of my friends are married and while I love being with them and their families I often feel left out as the almost 35 year old single woman with no children of her own. I have single friends and even when I hang out with them I still feel like the third wheel. It seems every time I’m in my group of three single friends I’m the odd one out. Usually because the other two have formed a bond and spend more time with each other than they do with me. So now, not only am I unappealing to the opposite sex, but I’m also unappealing to my friends too. I have no idea if this is actually true or not. It’s how I feel though.
I’ve felt this way most of my life. I’m not sure I’ve ever had a really close bond with another human being. Even the closest of friends I’ve had in the past have moved away or various life choices have caused us to grow apart. So tonight I’m up in tears questioning my appeal. I’m questioning what I have or haven’t done to cause me to never have shared a close bond with another person.
No. Strike that.
I’m questioning why the close bonds I share with people don’t seem to last. I’ve had several. Some very intense that I really hoped would last.
I’ll admit I’ve never been the type to immediately welcome people with open arms.
It’s not my nature.
I take time. Perhaps no one has the time.