I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. Very cliché. Yet, literally true. I want to say that it has just been the last few months that I’ve been feeling this way, but if I’m being completely honest, I’ve felt this way for the last ten years of my life. I keep wanting to make changes and while I’m able to make some progress, a little stress always causes me to back slide. I’m now getting to the point where I’m just sick of myself and my excuses to not do what I need to do. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself? Or maybe I’m not being hard enough?
I need to get real and the real deal is that my health is backsliding because I’m not taking care of myself. I’ve been completely stressed out. I think the stress has made my Endometriosis worse. I feel fatigued most of the time now. The cramps are at an all time high. Unfortunately, all of the worst symptoms of my Endometriosis have returned in full effect. The nausea, the extreme mood swings, and ridiculously heavy flow. How have I dealt with these pains in my ass? (Literally and figuratively.) Why chocolate and sugar and carbs galore of course! Yup, the sugar addict has come back in full effect. It’s no longer become an occasional indulgence that is offset by a good workout. Sugar and sweets have become a daily indulgence that I must have in order to make it through the day.
I no longer find or make time for exercise. I use the excuses that all my free time has to go to studying. This is just not true. I can take a measly thirty minutes of the day or night to work out. But I don’t. Yes, I am absolutely exhausted. My day begins at 6 in the morning and doesn’t end until 8 in the evening. But, this is why I’m so exhausted. I’m not getting my adrenaline going. To mimic one of my favorite movie quotes, “Exercise builds endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don’t kill.” I can’t afford to kill anyone working with children and teenagers. Thankfully, I can seem to hold it together when I’m around them. Unfortunately, my frustrations are reserved for those closest to me like my family. I hate that I spill it all on them, but then again they’ve been dealing with me being like this for over twenty years so they tend to take it in stride. God bless them.
I’ve been so down lately that I have not updated my blog. I’ve made several attempts to write but I can manage a few sentences before I quit. Even my writing stamina has seemed to decrease and fatigue. This will be my first complete post in weeks. Everything I’ve tried to write before has just not seemed to come out right. Or it seemed more like a whiny rant than a rant with any kind of point to it. I will be a whiny person occasionally, but I refuse to be a whiny writer too. Hence why I am determined to finally just put up or shut up.
Here is my put up or shut up game plan:
- Eat more fruits and vegetables.
- Exercise at least 3 times a week for at least 30 minutes.
- No fast food.
- No junk food in the house.
- Return to daily vitamin supplements.
- Make sure I get my annual check ups with the doctor.
- Stay steadfast in faith and prayer.
- Talk about what’s wrong instead of letting it build up and fester or explode.
So this is my put up or shut up game plan. I’m sick and tired of myself and I need to just be the person I want to be. The person I know I can be. It’s time to stop talking about her and just be her. We’ll see how long this new motivation lasts and if it is able to yield any results. Then again knowing what you want is the first step to obtaining it, right?