Well, it’s officially 2013. A new year has finally made an appearance. I’m sure many will be excited and look to the new year as a time to start over and make resolutions. Resolutions that most people won’t keep and give up on halfway through the year. I made a resolution a long time ago to not make new year’s resolutions. A new year does not bring a new you. I feel like resolutions should be made throughout the year. Growth and progress and change should not be a fleeting moment made on a drunken night at the end of the previous year or the beginning of the new one.
Here I go on one of my many tirades again. I guess this is why I took a break from blogging. December is always a tough month to get through and losing someone on Christmas day just made it worse. Other than writing about Dale, I didn’t know what to write. I didn’t really care to write anything. I mean would it really matter anyway? No one really pays attention to my rants. This is how I felt so I backed away from my blog. I threw myself into my second distraction: reading. I read any and everything I could get my hands on. Eventually, as the clock hit midnight and January 1, 2013 came around, so did I.
I don’t know what the new year is going to bring me. I don’t know what I will make of this new year. Will I continue to sit on the sidelines or will I start living again? Will I give love another try or will I continue to run away? Will my new career last or will I be laid off again? These are all questions I hope to find the answers to in this new year. I have to admit that I feel like a different person this year. Maybe it’s time or age or my ability to always over analyze everything, but I can feel I’ve changed. I have forgiven my ex for the past. I no longer hold on to what he did and blame myself. It was his mistake, not mine. Because I have truly forgiven him, I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. I have recently embraced the fact that I am not the troll I seem to think I am. I have accepted the fact that men flirt with me, not out of politeness or to make a sale, but because there is something about me that they like whether I see it or not.
Yes, I have made progress. I have taken those first baby steps. Yet, the year is long and my life seemingly longer. I still have much work to do. While I feel like I’m moving forward, I must be cautious about falling backwards into old habits. It’s always so much easier to put yourself down and go with the bad than pick yourself up and believe the good. This is my greatest hazard to overcome this year and beyond. So, does the new year mean a new me? Not really. The new year just means the same me with some addition and subtraction just like every other year. The new year means a continuous, infinite process of learning to love myself and be the best person I can be. So yes, that is my new year’s eve/day rant. I can’t wait to read what other’s will say about the new year. What did you say?