The Road to Happiness, Paved With Misery

What is this thing that is stretched across my face?

Oh yeah, it’s my smile. Wow, I have truly missed it. I can actually say without hesitation that I am happy. I am joyful and giddy. I want to grin like a Cheshire cat all day. What is wrong with me? If you have read any of my previous posts then you are well aware by now that this is not my normal behavior. I have been quite sullen and depressing lately. I know it has shown in my writing as well as on my face and just my overall demeanor.

What could possibly snap me out of this funk?

A guy? Come on now, don’t make me laugh. However, it is a person who has brought joy back into my life. It’s my very best friend. You see, her and I have been estranged for many years. It started a year after I graduated from college and moved back home. I was happy to be back with my friends again. We did our usual thing of clubbing, hanging out, partying, and going to the beach. No matter what we did it was fun. If I was down, she was there to pick me up. If she was in need, I had her back. That’s just the way it is with best friends.

One night we were out clubbing and we met this guy. A friend of one of our friends. I was immediately drawn to him and openly laid my claim. “I have dibs!” Yes, I actually called dibs on a guy like that ever works. So I flirted and danced with him and things seemed like they were going well. Little did I know that he preferred the company of my friend. She called me one day and said she saw him out and they got to talking and hung out for a while. Hmmm. My senses were tingling so I asked her if she liked him. She said no it wasn’t like that. I said okay and kept hanging out with him. One night my friend and I went to his house to hang out with some of his friends. I remember his cousin being there and talking to him a lot while my friend spent a lot of time with my crush. At the time I didn’t think anything of it. I remember leaving and my friend asking me about the cousin. I said he was cute (and he was) but he was 19 and I was 23.

A week later my best friend called me. She sounded upset like she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she just kept telling me she was so sorry. I asked what happened. She didn’t want to tell me. I said just tell me. Whatever it is we can work it out. Then she dropped a bombshell on me. She had slept with my crush. Initially, I was stunned and couldn’t say anything. I asked her why and she said she didn’t know. She said it just happened and that she didn’t even like him. If you didn’t like him why did you sleep with him? She couldn’t say because she didn’t really know and we both left it at that.

So began the beginning of a friendship spiraling to the ground.

I was so upset I called one of our mutual friends and told her I’m going to get my revenge. What was my revenge going to be? I was going to find the guy she really did like and have sex with him. I was literally in my car, on my way to this guys house. Thankfully, my friend was the voice of reason and talked me out of this decision. I was really hurt and distraught. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to work it out with my best friend but she felt so guilty for what happened that she removed herself from my life for the next three years. During that time my crush left and I realized he wasn’t worth the effort if he was really into my friend. My friend moved on into a new relationship with a guy who happened to be related to my crush that she hooked up with. Talk about karma. She even awkwardly saw him again at a family function. When my friend became pregnant, that’s when we started to talk again. It was weird at first. It was obvious that we were no where near the best friends we used to be. She gave birth to a baby girl who sadly died a day after she was born. It was during this time that we started getting even closer. Eventually, she got pregnant again and gave birth to a happy and healthy son.

As time went on and we got older, we talked more and more frequently. We made plans to hang out more frequently. Things were starting to change between us again. But I had never felt that old spark that we  used to have as best friends. Recently, we have been taking Zumba classes together and bonding over our love of books and “chick lit”. I’m happy to say that for the first time since I was 23 I feel like my best friend is back. We have  talked about what happened with the old crush obviously. However it just wasn’t important to me. It never really was. She meant way more to me than some guy who meant nothing to either of us. The first time she brought him up again by his name my response was “Who?” I couldn’t even remember this guys name!

I feel like we are back to the place we were before the “crush” incident. We’ve always been able to tell each other anything no matter how inappropriate and it’s good to know that we are still able to confess all our dirty little secrets to each other without shame or worry. I love my best friend and I am so happy to have her back in my life. She was and is my confidant. We know each other, good and bad, but we still accept each other as is. Now that is what real friendship is all about. As my title says this has been the road to happiness, paved with misery.

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3 thoughts on “The Road to Happiness, Paved With Misery

  1. some times people need time apart to grow as individuals before the friendship can continue to grow, i have someone if my life just like this
    glad things are working out for you, i’m still not sure about my situation

    • That’s a really good point about being apart to grow as individuals. Maybe this is also what needs to happen with you and your friend. It took my friend and I 8 years before we got back to normal. Maybe eventually you are your friend will be able to work it out too.

  2. Pingback: Julius Caesar « Reading Is Advantageous

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