How Do You Know?

How do you know if the person you are with is worthy of you?

I believe that we know. There are always little hints and signs that the other person gives us. We just need to be open and observant to receiving them. After getting a phone call from the world’s most annoying and bothersome ex in the history of the world I began to think. How did I not know he was completely wrong for me? Looking back all of the signs were there.

Initially when I met him, I was in a bad place. Sign number one that the timing was off. I was very unhappy with myself and at a low point in my life. I had just been rejected, in the worst possible way, by a guy I thought I was really into. Apparently, the timing was off with him as well because he ended up hooking up with my best friend and I was devastated. Not only did I lose the guy I was into and have a huge blow to my ego, but I also ended up losing my best friend and confidant in the process. Again, low point.

When he (world’s most bothersome ex) came along it boosted my fragile ego. It felt like just what I needed. I had some reservations about him though. That little voice in the back of my head just kept saying I don’t know about him. Of course, I didn’t listen and let me explain why. The first kiss. I had kissed enough people to know a good kiss from a bad one. What I hadn’t yet experienced was a kiss so out of this world you were willing to hop out of your clothes and get it on right then and there. Now to many people this probably sounds like a great thing. I thought so too. However, what I failed to realize that this was pure lust. This was purely a physical connection that we had. It had nothing to do with personality, commonalities, or conversation. I was in lust and I didn’t know it. Sign number two of a doomed relationship.

Speaking of personality, commonalities, and conversation-all very important things to consider when seeking a relationship with someone-we had great conversation. I could tell him anything. I could talk to him about whatever and he listened and gave advice or input when needed. But, do you notice it was always “I” doing the conversing. Here I was thinking he was a great listener. I was completely open and honest. Him, not so much. Of course, early on in the relationship there was one revelation that I wish I would’ve taken seriously. He actually told me he was an a**hole. I just laughed it off like a joke, but he wasn’t laughing. Sign number three that I should’ve known something was wrong. A very wise woman by the name Maya Angelou said, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I live by those words now.

Then there were the “friends”. He was in a fraternity. He knew lots of people. That was his rationalization for constantly having a barrage of female companions calling and coming around all the time. A big, flashing sign number four. Now having friends of the opposite gender isn’t a bad thing by any means. I have male friends, but they are not constantly intruding on my relationship or being disrespectful to the person I am with. If they are, this means something is not right.

Now looking back, I know that sign number four should’ve been enough to say so long, see you, good riddance. But remember, I was in lust and I was mistaking that lust for love. These were my warning signs. They are different for every relationship and every person, but the signs are there and they are important. When those neon signs go flashing in your head saying, “NO” or “RUN FOR IT”, pay attention. They aren’t there unnecessarily. It’s instinctive. We know when someone isn’t right for us. We just have to pay attention and use a critical eye. We can’t get too engrossed in physical attraction or emotional connections. When we take the time to look deeper into a person’s soul, that is how we will know.


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