I was sitting in class today and all of a sudden I had a thought that went something like this, “What the heck am I doing here?”
Yes, I had a slight freak out moment. Thankfully it wasn’t out loud. I know I applied to be here at this university and in this class………twice. I wanted this, didn’t I? So, why does it feel so weird? For starters let me reveal a piece of information about myself. My age. Drumroll please…………….I am 31 years old. If you’ve read my post “Striptease” (No it isn’t about what you think) then you know I initially did not feel comfortable with or want to reveal any information about my age, gender, or ethnicity on my blog.
My age is a big part of the reason for my minor freak out. You see, I’m in classes with 18-25 year olds. There is nothing wrong with that except……….I’m 31. I am no longer in my 20’s and saying goodbye to those years were and still are very hard for me. I’m done trying to figure out who I am. I know who I am, flaws and all. Now I am in the stage of accepting who I am and living my life. Another thing that makes me feel distant from my classmates is that they are all full time and I am part time. I don’t understand what the rush is? Maybe they’re all trying to get that seniority that is so important in U.S. education.
After a while I had to stop and check myself. Why am I comparing myself to them? I felt so silly after I realized I was doing that. They are not me. I have already been them. I know what it’s like to be young and impatient and want to hurry up to get your life started. I also know that because of where I am in my life that I can’t go to school full time like them. I don’t live at my parents home anymore. I have a home and a mortgage to take care. I can’t work part time. I must work full time. Also, I am not the oldest person in either of my two classes. I just feel like an old lady. Is this what they call a mid-life crisis? I can’t afford the fancy cars and wouldn’t want someone anywhere near half my age so maybe this is as close to one as I’ll get.