Friendship vs. Attraction

Can we be friends with someone that we find ourselves attracted to???

I’ve asked myself this question a lot over the years and my answer is always the same…….no way. I can’t do it. I just can’t. I would just always wonder, what if? What if something good could come from this? What if the feeling is mutual?

In high school, I had a pretty good friend. However, I was attracted to him. He was very flirtatious so I guessed he might be attracted to me too. It didn’t go further because he had a girlfriend who was also my friend since 3rd grade. Then, she met someone she was more attracted to and ended up cheating on him. He was devastated, but forgave her. Eventually, friendship and relationship couldn’t survive the betrayal of infidelity, and they broke up. Later when he and I were in college, he proposed we take our friendship a little further. At first, I was like no way, absolutely not, never going to happen. Never say never couldn’t have been more true in this case. I always wondered what it would be like to take our friendship elsewhere and curiosity got the best of me. It was the worst idea I’ve ever had. It was a great thing for him but horrible for me and inevitably the friendship faded away for nine years. Fast forward to two months ago when my friend got married. He happened to be there with his fiancee at the time. This could’ve been very awkward, but it wasn’t. Why? Because we were no longer attracted to each other. I wouldn’t say we are the great friends we used to be, but we are able to hang out without any weirdness. Plus, his wife is awesome.

I don’t have very many male friends and I often wonder why that is. I have had one guy, who wanted more than friendship, tell me that I’m too picky and that is my problem. Ehhhh, what did he know! The only reason I can think of is that there was always an attraction there, on my part or theirs, that made it hard to be just friends. Now that I’m older, I do have some male friends. That is almost solely due to all my female friends who have gotten married and I’ve ended up becoming friends with their husbands by default. I have been in relationships where the guy has become a friend as well as more. But then again, that has also ended time and time again. Both the relationship and the friendship.

I just don’t think it is possible. How can you be around someone that you find attractive and not want to take it farther? They write novels and make tons of movies called romantic comedies about this very thing. It always ends great with the happy couple riding off into the sunset or it ends horribly and the friendship is ruined forever. I guess the only way, in my opinion, to ensure a long lasting friendship is to make sure you are not attracted to the person you are befriending and they are not attracted to you either. Otherwise, why bother to call it a friendship?


2 thoughts on “Friendship vs. Attraction

  1. this is so true. I don’t see how you can just be friends if your attracted to the guy. Same thing recently happened to me and I can’t even talk to my guy ‘best friend’. It’s just so weird.

    • i’m not here to pick a fight or anything but i disagree. i feel that we may be friends with someone we are attracted to. i think that we are attracted to all our friends, male or female. i dont think we will be friends, real friends that is, to someone who are aren’t attracted to or to someone who we dont like even up to a certain point.

      of course, nat is talking about romantic attraction. it is possible for us to be friends to someone we are romantically attracted to. we can hide it and stay as friends until we get used to the idea that it will never work out between the two of us. that is real hard but i’m sure there are people who do this. but there are people who would risk their friendship and express their romantic attraction. and if it is requited, the next thing to do is to maintain their friendship and build their romantic relationship. both are essential

      just my 2 cents

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