To be lost…..and found???

I should be emotional. I’ve spent the last two years trying to find a job and it seems no one wants to hire me. I have a high school diploma, a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree, and a credential….yet none of that seems to be worth shit anything.

I spent a total of 7 years dedicating my life as a School Counselor. I worked late, sacrificed weekends, gained 30 pounds….all because of the job. At the time I didn’t even realize how much I had changed. Of course, it wasn’t all the job’s fault. There was, a now thankfully, ex-boyfriend who didn’t help the situation. I don’t intend to sound whiny or pathetic. I have a love/hate relationship with my career. I love helping my students. I hate the politics.

Anyhow, after 7 years I was laid off. I was expecting it because when you’re in the public education system it’s not about how good you are…’s all about seniority. Me, I didn’t have enough seniority. I had a plan when I got laid off just like I had a plan to be a Counselor forever.

My Plan B was to go back to school and work toward becoming a Speech Pathologist. You see while working toward becoming a Counselor I developed a fondness for special education. If there was ever a group that needed an advocate it was most definitely this population. Then coincidentally, when I began working I was the person who attended all IEP meetings. Especially the Speech IEP’s.

After I was laid off, I spoke to the Speech Pathologist at my site about what it was like to work in this field. She had been in the field for over 20 years and she absolutely loved it. She even had me talk to some other people who were transitioning into Speech Pathology…….and a plan was formed. The plan was to enroll in the program at a local college and then work on my master’s out of state. Great, I thought. I lost my Counseling position but I have something to look forward to with going back to school.

So I applied…….and I was denied.

What do I do now? Do I reapply? Do I say screw it? Should I just keep looking for Counseling jobs?

In the end, I decided to take a chance and reapply. If they let me in then this is what I’m supposed to do. If they reject me again, I know it’s time to move on.

So I reapplied to the Speech Pathology program and waited. In the meantime I got a call from my old school district about subbing. I took it and for 3 months I was able to rekindle my love of Counseling. In June, the person I was subbing for returned and I was lost again. On the bright side, I had a little extra money in my pocket.

So while I spent my summer doing some traveling, shopping, and having fun with friends………..something came by way of email. It was from the college I reapplied to. They finally got wise and decided to let me in. Plan B was now back in effect.

This was a small victory in an otherwise defeated life.

It was short lived.

Next came a minor freak out. “I’m going back to school!!! What the hell was I thinking?!?! I haven’t been in school for years! Why would I need more degrees?!?! I don’t want to be that loser with 50 degrees and no job to show for it.”

I am now at a crossroads. Thanks to the Speech Pathologist at my former job who encouraged me to pursue the career I have an opportunity to work in the field while I attend school. I’ve applied for the position twice. I know that I am not guaranteed this position. I want it so badly, but what am I going to do if I don’t get it?

I guess this is what it feels like to be lost…..and found???


9 thoughts on “To be lost…..and found???

  1. I don’t even know where to start…….i know you feel discouraged right now but let me assure you your not alone. I have been blessed to have a job most of my adult life but if i could go back in time and decide on taking a job or finish school, i would definitely have chosen that degree. Circumstances and just plain laziness made me go the other route. I don’t have a degree but i do have a job yet just like you, i feel lost. Ironically i am in the same position you are…..asking myself what do i do next??? I feel stuck sometimes and unable to move on. I want to go back to school but like you, i think to myself, “what the hell am i thinking trying to go back”. In my case i would be the loser who many knew as one of the smartest but didn’t nurture my potential and now i feel trapped. I may have a job but i envy you “Turtle” hehe! I envy that at least you have some kind of clue of what you would like to do and your drive to keep going. I on the other hand have lost my passion in things. I’m not even sure what i ultimitely want to do. I’m not saying i don’t like my current job but it’s definitely not my calling. In essence, we both took different routes yet have the same feelings. Your not alone! I hope and pray you get this job and most importantly whether you have a job or not…..your degrees and determination in itself is alot to show for. You should be proud buddy.

    • You don’t have to if you don’t want to. If you feel like it just scroll to the bottom and look for the follow button and click it or look for the box that says subscribe and enter your email. Again, only if you want to. I’ll still be your friend regardless. LOL.

  2. You wrote: “If they let me in then this is what I’m supposed to do. If they reject me again, I know it’s time to move on.” That’s the best way to work with it. But in my opinion it’s always best to do your utmost to end up doing what is in your heart to do. It’s the thing you’ll do best and put most energy in. You may have to take a few less rewarding jobs along the way.

  3. Pingback: My Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades | Nat's_Life_Daily

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